7 Things That Will Help You to Mentally Toughen Up


When it comes to achieving any goal that we set out to accomplish, we must have certain degree of mental toughness depending on the degree of the goal. Now, writing a 5 page paper for school takes a little less mental effort than running a marathon, but nonetheless, everything requires mental toughness to get the task done with excellence.

People who are not mentally tough give up on their goals when challenges arise on their road to achievement. Mental toughness will help push you past the challenges you will face and has helped some of the world’s greatest achievers reach a level of success that many dream of. Mental toughness is an abstract concept that comes with the shifting of one’s perception. Here I want to share 7 things you must change within your mindset and character in order to help you mentally toughen up.

Never Expect Immediate Results

Pursuing a goal, such as writing a paper or pursuing a higher level of achievement, such as running a marathon both take time to accomplish. Once you start on the road to victory you cannot expect immediate greatness on the first try. So many people get caught up in the destination and don’t enjoy the process.

If you want to be mentally tough you must learn to enjoy the process in reaching a goal. When someone asks you to write a paper about a historical figure in history you know nothing about, and you want to write it with excellence, you cannot expect to just pick a pen and paper and know what to write. You have to go through the process of finding books and finding enough research to write an excellent paper, and you can’t expect to find everything you need in the first book you pick up.

It is all a process and you have to learn to enjoy it. Even with running a marathon, do you expect to be able to run it after the first day you train? Set realistic expectations and overestimate the time it will take to get the results that you want. When we never expect immediate results, we develop a sense of patience, allowing us to endure more mental endeavors.

Don’t Give Up After the First Failure    

A mentally tough person never gives up on the first failure. You must learn to build resiliency within your character and go after a goal, time after time again. Thomas Edison once said “The most certain way to succeed it to just try one more time.” When you fail an exam, study harder and take it over. When you fall off of that skateboard, get up and try again. When you build a business and it doesn’t work out, build another one. You must learn the art of resiliency if you want to be mentally tough. Always be the person who is willing to try it one more time.

 Never Focus On the Things You Can’t Control

There are a lot of things in this world that we cannot control, but there are also a lot of things we can. When we begin to focus on the things we can control we never become stressed or over-whelmed, allowing us to endure more. When someone feels stressed out or overwhelmed, they want to give up on their path or endeavor because they want the mental pain to go away.

This can stem from focusing on the things that you cannot control in your life such as sickness, accidents, or job losses. You cannot control the fact that you might get sick, but you can take the necessary measures to feel better faster. You cannot control the accidents that may occur in your life, but you can control how you react to them. There is always a better way to look at things, or a way to make things better. Focus on the things you have control of.

Don’t Dwell On The Past

Dwelling on the past can cause a lot of emotional build up that is just not needed in your life. The past is something you have no control over, and as stated above, never focus on the things that you cannot control. You have control of the present moments and your future destiny.

Knowing this will give a certain sense of power than will compel you to take action in your life. In order to be mentally tough you must understand this concept and make it a part of your life’s mission to never dwell on the past. You will be able to reach for any goal or level of achievement once you realize that past events do not define you.

Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone

When you learn to stop people pleasing, you learn a certain sense of mental toughness. It is people’s natural tendency to want to be accepted by others, it is socially hard-wired in our brain from birth. Mental toughness arises from you being able to alter your perception and re-configure your brain. When you get into the habit of no longer caring about being accepted by others, you open up an entirely new world of adventure, enabling you to endure a lot more criticism and rejection.

Never Shy Away From Change

Learning to move towards and accept change will help you to always be ready for change. The people who shy away from change are never prepared to accept and move towards change. They are stuck in the past and in this, you can never really grow. The only thing that we can be certain of in this world is that change will happen. The mentally tough have grown accustomed to accepting change. So in order to mentally toughen up, learn to move towards and accept change.

Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone

Learn to get out of your comfort zone if you want to mentally toughen up. When you constantly do things that makes you uncomfortable or scares you, you lose the sense of fear and you will become more confident in trying new things. The mentally tough are people who are confident that they can achieve something, even if they have never done it before. Trying new things will give a certain kind of resilience to fear and give you some new found confidence.

Take Away

Mental toughness all boils down to how you perceive the world and how you look at the things that happen to you. Leaning to see things in a more positive light will allow you to endure more challenges and the pain of the process to achieving a goal. Here is a recap:

  •  Never expect immediate results during any process
  • Learn resiliency and never give up after the first failure
  • Focus on the things you can control, not the things you cannot
  • Don’t dwell on the past
  • Focus on yourself instead of others, learn to take criticism and rejection
  • Never shy away from change
  • Get out of your comfort zone

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I am an entrepreneur, philanthropist, and the founder of DreamsAre4Real.com. As a graduate from Michigan State University, for the past 4 years I have dedicated my life to personal development, studying what it takes to become successful, understanding psychology, and how to stay motivated in order to achieve anything in life. I believe and most certainly have a passion for reaching my full potential, and I want to inspire others to do the same.

Discussion16 Comments

  1. Very motivating. This can be applied to everyone.

    Never Focus On the Things You Can’t Control
    Don’t Dwell On The Past
    Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone
    Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone

    Personally, I will keep in mind and practice the four subtopics that I like the most. I will apply this to myself. This can help me to toughen up my mentality and I, myself will benefit the result. Thanks for sharing this. Valuable and encouraging.

    • I am glad that you were able to benefit from this post. I think the four things that you picked out are great in helping you to mentally toughen up. Mental toughness all come from how you perceive the world, but there are certain actions you can take that can help you can a certain type of resiliency to failure, risks, rejection, and being uncomfortable. When you are able to to look at the world from in different positive light and focus on yourself and your future, you gain a certain sense of control over your thoughts.

  2. Hi Lawrence,

    Very insightful article, indeed! 🙂

    I strongly agree with all these points. Yes, we should not expect the results came quickly. There is a process for each result. If we do not enjoy the process, how can we come to our desired goals. It was a lesson for me as well. 😉

    Oh yes, the first failure does not automatically make you fail completely. It is a sign that you can achieve better success than before. It will always be a reward for any hard work.

    Absolutely, we can not make everyone pleased to us. We must be aware of it. Also, I could not agree more with the comfort zone. 🙂

    Thanks for sharing this, Lawrence.
    It’s a great one!


    • I am glad that you found the article to be insightful. Yes, we should enjoy the process because when you do, you develop patience and discipline. This will help you to be mentally strong. Every Olympic athlete has to go through the rigorous process of training day in and day out. Most have become accustomed to the process and enjoy getting better each day. Looking at it in this way helps them to push pass the process every day. And yes, you must learn from every failure and not give up but go at it again a wiser person.

  3. Hi Lawrence,

    Loved the advice!

    The last point caught my attention here. Getting out of your comfort zone would be the hardest thing to do for most people. I know because i have that issue sometimes!

    We are not bothered to change because it takes just too much effort. Bound by routine, people never try to take risks in life.

    The factor remains the same if you want life to change, you gotta take the next step. There is no secret way out of the problem.

    This is where the “mental toughness” part comes into the picture. How do you get yourself ready to face the new challenge in life? This is a question we all have to answer for ourselves! 🙂


    • Yes, the last bit of getting out of your comfort zone is a challenge for a lot of people, but when you learn to do it often, you gain a new found confidence and become resilient to fear. That is a quality of the mentally tough. The best ways to learn to get out of your comfort is by finding the reason behind you want to get out of your comfort zone in the first place. You know that it will make your life better and you will gain more wisdom and confidence. Feed on this and repeat it to yourself every day when you wake up. I truly believe in the art of repetition and shaping your mind by intentionally doing or saying something every day until your body start to do things your mind wants to change. This allows you to do things you are uncomfortable with easier. It all starts in the mind.

  4. Hi Lawrence,
    Brilliant ideas to help improve mental toughness! The points are in order and I couldn’t agree more with you.

    Applying resilience when achieving goals is fundamental in building mental toughness just as it is important to focus things we can control and do away with the habit of staying in the comfort zone.

    If we frequently remember that nothing good comes easy then pursuing our goals with mental toughness becomes easier!

    I left the above comment in kingged.com

    • Yes, gaining a sense of resilience by changing how you think and perceive the challenges you may face is the way to mental toughness. We also must gain a sense of patience through, as you said, remembering that nothing god comes easy when pursing our goals.

  5. Can I just say what a comfort to discover somebody that really understands
    what they’re talking about online. You certainly know how to bring an issue to light and make it important.

    More people have to look at this and understand this side of your story.
    I was surprised you’re not more popular because you definitely possess
    the gift.

    • I try to learn and do as much as I can and I thank you for the praise. I hope to become more popular as I have online been online for a short period of time, but I hope that you continue to revisit.

  6. You hit two birds at a time Lawrence. You did not just help us to mentally toughen up but you also touched and inspired our heart. This is such an inspiring and insightful article Lawrence.

    Oh yes, you can never please everyone. So before you think of pleasing others, try to please and satisfy yourself first. Because if you know for yourself that you have done the right thing, you do your very best and that you didn’t do anything that would harm others, you will certainly feel peace and happiness whatever the outcome may be.

    • I am glad you take a liking to my writing Dennis. I absolutely agree with you that inspiring to be at your best is important, but this is some of the steps you can take to becoming the best person you can be in this life. You have to learn the details on how to become a better person, that is the main goal here. To share the knowledge that will help you become a better person.

  7. Hey Lawrence,

    The first few points that you made here reminded me of an article I read about Delayed gratification. Basically they pointed out that the most successful people in the world practice delayed gratification and the unsuccessful people focused on instant gratification. I’ve notice this with many people as well as myself that we want to achieves things right at the moment instead of enjoying the process.

    Then it comes down to it, the process itself gives your journey value and the destination even more value. I think life would be quite boring and uninteresting if things came to us instantly all the time. It does challenge or stretch us to be better people, especially developing mental toughness!

    Thanks for the share! Have a good one!

    I found your post on kingged.com under General/Personal Development

    • That seems like a great article. People who are able to discipline themselves and delay instant gratification for long-term happiness are more success ans happier. This reminds me of what Lao Tzu said in that mastering others is strength, but mastering yourself is TRUE power.

      We can all get caught up in instant gratification and forget to enjoy the process, but the process of failing and overcoming challenges is what gives life meaning ans as you said, make us better people. When you look at it that way and learn to enjoy the process, you become mentally tough in never expecting immediate results as so many do.

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